Also. Please note, this is not a debating speech. I'm not excessively passionate about this topic, so I'm flip-flopping a bit on my views. Don't hate me; as I said, this stems from a Tweet. Never to be taken too seriously.
So. I made the statement after reading more about this story, about a former NZ public servant who has allegedly been busted smuggling cocaine in South America. Her family claim she has been conned by scammers through online dating. Obviously I don't know whether that's true or not, so don't go jumping down my throat, but it seems fairly likely considering the man she was 'dating' has conveniently disappeared from Facebook.
Regardless, this tale is the latest of quite a few online dating disaster stories I have learned of, both in magazines and real life. I personally know four people who have met lying dropkicks through online dating, and allowed themselves to be blindly led along by these people, until finally snapping out of the daydream and realising the sad reality of the relationship. One of those four people is myself, which is embarrassing to admit, but I think important in getting readers to realise I'm trying to be honest about my views, and not just be a judgmental bitch. I won't go into the specifics about that relationship- it wasn't a scam artist and it became an 'in real life' relationship, but the whole thing was completely unhealthy and the person was someone who would absolutely not receive a second of time from the 'me' I am today, regardless of our history.
And that's my point, right there. I was a different person- I was big time depressed. And I believe people use online dating services because, in some way, they are dysfunctional. That's the best word I can think of to describe the huge range of issues I'm referring to. By 'dysfunctional', I mean to include such minor issues as being super shy, or having low self confidence. I think people use online dating because they absolutely want to find someone*, where as people in the real world date because they've met someone they want to get to know more**. Online dating is therefore full of the most vulnerable single people around, and the perfect preying ground for those who are dysfunctional in a not-so-vulnerable way.
Of course, in some situations, two 'dysfunctional' people are going to meet, and work out, and be perfectly wonderful together. But that kind of situation is something I only hear about in 'a friend of a friend' anecdotes.
Of course, in some situations, two 'dysfunctional' people are going to meet, and work out, and be perfectly wonderful together. But that kind of situation is something I only hear about in 'a friend of a friend' anecdotes.
Maybe I just know too many 'dysfunctional' people?
* Yes, this is a euphemism for 'desperate', but please don't get too defensive. I don't mean this in a nasty way at all- I think I am sort of a serial monogamist, and I therefore understand the loneliness of singledom- it's not my preference either.
** There are, of course, exceptions to this- blind dating, speed dating etc. But how many dating success stories do you know that were born via these means?
Image source.
* Yes, this is a euphemism for 'desperate', but please don't get too defensive. I don't mean this in a nasty way at all- I think I am sort of a serial monogamist, and I therefore understand the loneliness of singledom- it's not my preference either.
** There are, of course, exceptions to this- blind dating, speed dating etc. But how many dating success stories do you know that were born via these means?
Image source.
