'Wonder without googling.'

I read Janell Burley Hofmann's An iPhone Contract From Your Mom article with an appreciative grin. Though my adolesence was no where near as digitally connected as her 13-year-old son's is in 2013, many of the conditions she listed reminded my of my own parents' rules and restrictions around TV watching, internet usage (when we eventually got dial-up at home in the early noughties), and eventually cell phones.

We were relatively-late adopters of the internet; neither of my parents needed anything beyond a word processor for their jobs at the time, and I don't think my sister and I realised what we were missing out on until that memorable day when my mother signed our Windows 98 PC up with Hyper Net.

Anyway, this isn't a trip down memory lane as such. But rather my thoughts on the single line that stuck with me from Hofmann's article, the conclusion of her contract's 17th condition and the title of this post; "wonder without googling".

I'm driven mad by people who automatically share sob stories on Facebook, without checking their legitimacy (some of my best friends are auto-sharers). I rarely post anything, anywhere on the internet without checking every fact and word definition I'm not certain of, and am mortified when called out on something that's incorrect. I know this anxiety is excessive, and I know which elements of my past it stems from. But even before those experiences, I still loved facts and learning and knowing for certain I had the correct answer.

Before the internet, I grew up with a bunch of reference books scattered around the house, and lengthy lists of borrowed items from the town library. If I didn't know something, I tried my best to look it up, and then I'd ask my parents and have to accept the answer they gave.

Now, with an iPhone in my pocket and nine (nine?!) internet capable devices in our apartment I still wonder all the time, and know I can satisfy my curiousity almost immediately. Several times Charlie has asked me what I'm doing on my phone, and I'll reply that I'm googling the answer to a question I have about hibernation or embalming or World War II. I'm scarcely out of the bathroom before I grab my phone to google something I was pondering during a good think in the shower. I love Google.

But I wonder what difference it would have made to my development if I'd been able to look up those facts any time I wanted before even starting high school? Bypass my parents' possibly-censored answers to some questions completely. I distinctly remember my mother telling my late-teenage self that I didn't actually know everything, and had a lot to learn. And at the time I really, truly, didn't believe her. Indeed, thanks to the internet, I probably knew a lot more of the facts of life than she gave me credit for. But later I of course realised she was referring to the experiences and lessons life continues to give us. Would this ignorant belief that I knew it all have surfaced years earlier if I'd had free access to all the information the internet can offer as a child? How would my imagination and creativity have been affected?

For a 13-year-old, I think 'wonder without googling' is entirely appropriate, but when I first read the article I thought perhaps I should apply Hofmann's advice to myself as well.

If, as an adult, I didn't have constant access to Google, would I wonder more or less than I do now? Would the frustration of not being able to know an answer for sure, drive me mad? I'm leaning towards yes, as there's a reason I often wander away when drunken conversation turns to the meaning of life. Would I be more creative and imaginative, or less inspired and motivated if I didn't have access to the rest of the world's artwork at my fingertips?

Being honest with myself, I know there's no way I would voluntarily reduce my Google usage. Now I have access, I couldn't be without it. What's your take on it?

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Book of Faces

I'd honestly been getting rather bored of Facebook... until I saw the new profiles being rolled out at the end of September! I signed up as a 'developer' in order to test it out (instructions here) and am having fun scrolling back to my posts from 2007. A good opportunity to delete all the super-cringeworthy stuff before it goes public! Happy weekend!

D-d-dating

Earlier today I Tweeted that online dating is bad news. Like the majority of my Tweets, it was a flippant comment, but it received instant response from several people so I figured I better take my statement to a place where I could actually elaborate on my views and discuss them with anyone who is so generous as to care about what I think. I love Twitter, I do, but it's very difficult to get your point across effectively when you are limited to sending 140 characters at a time. No matter how speedy your typing.

Also. Please note, this is not a debating speech. I'm not excessively passionate about this topic, so I'm flip-flopping a bit on my views. Don't hate me; as I said, this stems from a Tweet. Never to be taken too seriously.

So. I made the statement after reading more about this story, about a former NZ public servant who has allegedly been busted smuggling cocaine in South America. Her family claim she has been conned by scammers through online dating. Obviously I don't know whether that's true or not, so don't go jumping down my throat, but it seems fairly likely considering the man she was 'dating' has conveniently disappeared from Facebook.

Regardless, this tale is the latest of quite a few online dating disaster stories I have learned of, both in magazines and real life. I personally know four people who have met lying dropkicks through online dating, and allowed themselves to be blindly led along by these people, until finally snapping out of the daydream and realising the sad reality of the relationship. One of those four people is myself, which is embarrassing to admit, but I think important in getting readers to realise I'm trying to be honest about my views, and not just be a judgmental bitch. I won't go into the specifics about that relationship- it wasn't a scam artist and it became an 'in real life' relationship, but the whole thing was completely unhealthy and the person was someone who would absolutely not receive a second of time from the 'me' I am today, regardless of our history.

And that's my point, right there. I was a different person- I was big time depressed. And I believe people use online dating services because, in some way, they are dysfunctional. That's the best word I can think of to describe the huge range of issues I'm referring to. By 'dysfunctional', I mean to include such minor issues as being super shy, or having low self confidence. I think people use online dating because they absolutely want to find someone*, where as people in the real world date because they've met someone they want to get to know more**. Online dating is therefore full of the most vulnerable single people around, and the perfect preying ground for those who are dysfunctional in a not-so-vulnerable way.

Of course, in some situations, two 'dysfunctional' people are going to meet, and work out, and be perfectly wonderful together. But that kind of situation is something I only hear about in 'a friend of a friend' anecdotes.

Maybe I just know too many 'dysfunctional' people?

* Yes, this is a euphemism for 'desperate', but please don't get too defensive. I don't mean this in a nasty way at all- I think I am sort of a serial monogamist, and I therefore understand the loneliness of singledom- it's not my preference either.
** There are, of course, exceptions to this- blind dating, speed dating etc. But how many dating success stories do you know that were born via these means?


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