Wednesday, September 01, 2010

How to be a popular blogger

I’ve been lurking in the depths and shadows of this blogging business since my mid teens, when my visitor count consisted of the same trusted few, over and over, reading my completely moronic teenage musings. As Anonymous helpfully pointed out on my previous post, I still have a long way to go before reaching their own aged and educated level of enlightenment in all aspects of my life. However, after spending several months studying my peers, by means of Google Reader, I feel I do have the expertise to compile this “How to” list. My meager (though valued) followers, we too can be part of the elite “1000+ club”.

  1. Have an Etsy shop.
  2. Have a super-cute face, and preferably dimples. If they don’t come naturally, there’s a stud for that.
  3. Get some tattoos. See FYT for inspiration.
  4. Get a cat or a dog. Bonus points for having several of either.
  5. Live with your boyfriend. Better yet, get married before graduation.
  6. Possess a large collection of cameras, and ensure you hold one in each hand at all times. Bonus follower-points for using your cameras to take photos of your other cameras. (Those without the ability to collect cameras can source all images from WHI, at your own peril)
  7. Be really, really organised. In your super cute little house, especially. And make sure to take a lot of photos demonstrating you organisational skills every time you clean up.
  8. Those with incredible “thinking-ahead” skills, pre-arrange to be named a variation of Kayla upon birth. Alternative two-syllable first names are acceptable, though not favoured.
  9. Allow your week to revolve around weekends, where you have 48 hours of thrifting opportunity (here we call it ‘op-shopping’, but let’s face it, no one in blogging-world is very interested in what words “arsy arsy little Alice” uses). Don’t forget your cameras!
  10. Never ever ever post anything that could even remotely offend a fellow blogger.

Oh, fuck.

35 comments:

Amy said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

hilarious... I always find the most random people have like 1000 blog followers and it makes no sense... until now. lol

The Wishful Lamb said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

lol!!! How true!

posidanielle said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I love it and it is all true! Nicely said!

To be honest, I will be content with just reaching 20 followers and I am actually surprised that I have any.

Thank you for being a follower!

Joanna said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

haha i love this!! very clever

Ladii Aponte said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Yup I see Alot of people have alot of followers but I Would Rather have Followers That come back and visit and not Just follow so you follow back. Following You Now saw You linked up for the 365 day Picture challenge! Check Out my Blog

Ladii-Aponte.Blogspot.com

Venassa said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Haha I love it.
I love many different blogs, but my favorite are the 'real' ones, not the ones in some sort of popularity contest.

Sarah-Rose said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

"There's a stud for that" - I read that like "there's an app for that" which made it much more adorable.

Alice said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Sarah-Rose Haha you rule; exactly the tone I was going for :-)

Consider my dear said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

AHAHAHA!

becca. said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

this is hilarious! i love it. everything is so so true.

carly. said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

hahahaha. i hope most people find that funny and not get offended by it but if they do, who cares? lol. you made me laugh today (even though some of those totally apply to me...still not offended, laughing out loud instead!)

you're awesome.

Alice said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Carly Haha thanks! I was blaaatantly taking the piss, so anyone who actually gets offended I don't feel is worth knowing anyway... must have GSOH! Also, several of them totally apply to me too :-D

carly. said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

i made a post referring to this because i want to share the laughs with others, hope you don't mind!!

i added your button to my blog as well as i think you're great and want to spread the love...

Alice said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Carly Aww too kind! Thank you! :-)

alovelylittleworld said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You are very observant, haha. Love it.

madison said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

This is just the best. I love it.

yours truly dear said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

i knew my cat was helping me reach my follower dreams! 1000 here we come, baby!

ps: came over from carly's blog. i was intrigued, and i'm glad i hopped over :]

elycia said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

you're cute. i need to drop one of the syllables from my name...which do you recommend? hehe.
that's cool you're from new zealand! i would love to go there one day.
and...i came by thanks to carly's link too :)

leyla said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I think you missed something - the dog must be a pug.

I am seriously sitting in my office laughing out loud. This is hilarious. I don't get why some of these super popular blogs are so...well, popular.

However...my name is leyla (pronounced like Kaelah, just with an L at the beginning instead of a K) so I'm probably halfway on my way to blog celebrity. Heck yes!

amylou said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Found your link on Carly's blog and had to click and see. Glad I did!
Guess I don't fit into to many of those...oh well don't care if I'm popular.
I thouroughly enjoyed this post! It gave me a great laugh today. Thanks!
:)
amylou

little j. said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thank you. Just.. thank you, for having the balls to poke fun at something I think is worth laughing at and not being offended over.

- Jen-ny. (Two syllables. In the clear.)

Kristen said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

omg this totally made me giggle....I hope you don't mind if I steal it and post it on my blog...this kind of made my day............

"there's a stud for that"

teehee!

missedita said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Totally cracked me up XD

suzy said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

oh THAT's what i'm doing wrong.
dang.
i'm going to have to completely revamp my life for this.
[haha. i could never fill that mould. my house is far from organized, i can't even afford one camera, and i'm just not trendy. oh well!]

justinee said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh dear, I just found your blog, and I am in love with this post. HILARIOUS. Can't wait to stalk your archives :)

IT IS ALLY said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh, man. I have a huge issue with people who call op-shopping thrifting. SO WANKY. It's like not having a shower for a couple days because, I don't know, maybe the water's out, but you tell people you're 'realigning your scent' or something. "Oh, sorry... that's just me rescenting."

Not that I have anything against op-shopping, I love it. But it's not posh.

dinosaurtoast said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

hehehehehehehe Oh Gator you are the best at these things!!! I cracked up more than once reading this post <3 cute.

Megan Leslianne said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates
This comment has been removed by the author.
Krystal said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

haha. <3

jorjiapeach said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

bahahhhahahahahahhaaaaaaa.

lindy by the sea said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

This is great! I actually blogged about my place because it was looking soooo gnarly! I took pictures of the disgusting kitchen totally overrun with dishes and the multitude of sticky cobwebs with tons of bugs and spiders in them! My friends (who are pretty much the only ones who read my blog) got a real kick out of it! Let's face it, this is how most of us are really living...

Found you on To Make Love Stay, by the way...

Amy Louski said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

hilarious and true.

morgandkim said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

so so true. flip this describes so many blogs, but for some reason i still keep reading them.
pity i do fit a could of these categories, but i waited till i graduated uni before marrying, so im not that bad. :D
-k

Caitlin said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hahaha this is an old post, but this made me laugh :)

Alex said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I stumbled across your blog and when I saw "How to be a popular blogger" I got excited for legit tips of how to make my blog more popular. I've been looking for tips all week. This post made me LOL. I seriously burst out laughing and it made me feel a lot better being a new blogger. I'm not going to focus on getting 1000+ followers anymore and just focus on good posts I can come up with. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it! haha :)